1 00:00:03,370 --> 00:00:05,362 ♪♪ 2 00:00:13,380 --> 00:00:18,895 ♪ I bet we've been together for a million years ♪ 3 00:00:18,919 --> 00:00:24,534 ♪ And I bet we'll be together for a million more ♪ 4 00:00:24,558 --> 00:00:27,103 ♪ Oh, it's like I started breathing ♪ 5 00:00:27,127 --> 00:00:29,906 ♪ On the night we kissed ♪ 6 00:00:29,930 --> 00:00:35,144 ♪ And I can't remember what I ever did before ♪ 7 00:00:35,168 --> 00:00:43,168 ♪ What would we do, baby, without us? ♪ 8 00:00:46,179 --> 00:00:52,428 ♪ And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through ♪ 9 00:00:52,452 --> 00:00:57,600 ♪ What would we do, baby, without us? ♪ 10 00:00:57,624 --> 00:01:00,253 ♪ Sha-la-la-la. ♪ 11 00:01:02,863 --> 00:01:06,042 As you all know, Lauren is doing a paper on the American family. 12 00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:07,477 And as you also may know, 13 00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:09,112 she's chosen us to be her case study. 14 00:01:09,136 --> 00:01:11,414 So, I want you all to answer the questions 15 00:01:11,438 --> 00:01:13,283 to the best of your ability, all right? 16 00:01:13,307 --> 00:01:14,717 Um, Mom and Dad, uh, feel free 17 00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:16,152 to refer to any old photo albums. 18 00:01:16,176 --> 00:01:19,789 Mallory may need the aid of a thesaurus. 19 00:01:19,813 --> 00:01:21,758 Or, if Nick comes by, he may wish 20 00:01:21,782 --> 00:01:23,422 to express himself through cave paintings. 21 00:01:24,618 --> 00:01:25,695 Any questions? 22 00:01:25,719 --> 00:01:27,964 Yeah. Who said you can do all the talking? 23 00:01:27,988 --> 00:01:29,299 All right, all right. Sorry. 24 00:01:29,323 --> 00:01:31,134 All right, go ahead, honey. 25 00:01:31,158 --> 00:01:32,302 Okay, are there any questions 26 00:01:32,326 --> 00:01:33,903 before I get started with my questions? 27 00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:36,973 Ooh! Ooh! Yeah. 28 00:01:36,997 --> 00:01:40,076 Uh, Miss Miller, uh, you've picked us 29 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:43,413 - as the typical American family. - Mm-hmm. 30 00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:47,317 Uh, does this mean you-you... you find me to be typical? 31 00:01:47,341 --> 00:01:49,252 Because, uh... because I've always 32 00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:52,021 kind of prided myself on not being typical. 33 00:01:52,045 --> 00:01:53,423 You know, not normal. 34 00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:55,825 You've succeeded at that. 35 00:01:55,849 --> 00:01:58,161 Okay, Mr. and Mrs. Keaton, I'll start with you, 36 00:01:58,185 --> 00:02:00,096 because, after all, if it wasn't for the two of you, 37 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,452 this family wouldn't even be here. 38 00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:05,201 What does she mean by that? 39 00:02:05,225 --> 00:02:07,437 Because they're the mommy and daddy. 40 00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:09,906 How did they get to be the mommy and daddy? 41 00:02:09,930 --> 00:02:12,331 They won a raffle. 42 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:15,144 Okay, when you first met, 43 00:02:15,168 --> 00:02:17,146 uh, did it ever occur to you 44 00:02:17,170 --> 00:02:18,982 that your life would turn out this way? 45 00:02:19,006 --> 00:02:21,184 I mean, was having a family always the main goal? 46 00:02:21,208 --> 00:02:24,687 Well, uh, when I met Elyse, it was truly magical. 47 00:02:24,711 --> 00:02:26,689 The first time I laid eyes on her, 48 00:02:26,713 --> 00:02:28,224 I knew we'd be together forever. 49 00:02:28,248 --> 00:02:31,828 I swear, at that moment, time and space did not exist. 50 00:02:31,852 --> 00:02:33,162 Just us. 51 00:02:33,186 --> 00:02:35,531 Is it any wonder I find him so attractive? 52 00:02:37,090 --> 00:02:40,937 How come you didn't inherit any of your father's romantic side? 53 00:02:40,961 --> 00:02:43,406 Hey, come... Me? You're kidding. 54 00:02:43,430 --> 00:02:47,410 I'm-I'm-I'm on the FBI's ten most romantic list. 55 00:02:47,434 --> 00:02:49,779 Violins play wherever I go. 56 00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:51,280 Try leaving the room. 57 00:02:51,304 --> 00:02:53,950 See if the music starts up. 58 00:02:53,974 --> 00:02:56,419 Okay, so then, after the two of you met and you fell in love, 59 00:02:56,443 --> 00:02:59,022 did, uh, things go as you hoped they would? 60 00:02:59,046 --> 00:03:00,723 Would you say that your life is the fulfillment 61 00:03:00,747 --> 00:03:03,026 of a dream that the two of you set out for yourselves? 62 00:03:03,050 --> 00:03:05,561 But there were a lot of surprises along the way. 63 00:03:05,585 --> 00:03:07,130 Can you give me an example? 64 00:03:07,154 --> 00:03:09,499 Well, when I found out that I was pregnant with Andy, 65 00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:11,000 that was a surprise. 66 00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:12,368 A delightful surprise. 67 00:03:12,392 --> 00:03:14,170 Hey, you okay? 68 00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:16,472 Hmm? Oh, sure. I'm fine. 69 00:03:16,496 --> 00:03:20,677 I just couldn't sleep, I was so excited. 70 00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:23,012 How are you two feeling? 71 00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:24,080 Fine. 72 00:03:24,104 --> 00:03:26,649 Fine. How are you? 73 00:03:26,673 --> 00:03:28,951 I had a little trouble sleeping. 74 00:03:28,975 --> 00:03:31,387 I, uh... I can't stop thinking. 75 00:03:31,411 --> 00:03:33,243 About what? 76 00:03:35,115 --> 00:03:36,640 I mean, about what specifically? 77 00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:39,562 Elyse, I'm 40 years old. 78 00:03:39,586 --> 00:03:42,632 I'm, uh, about to become a father again. 79 00:03:42,656 --> 00:03:47,170 Last time I changed a diaper, Richard Nixon was president. 80 00:03:47,194 --> 00:03:50,640 I thought I'd seen the last of both of them. 81 00:03:50,664 --> 00:03:52,442 - You know what I keep realizing? - What? 82 00:03:52,466 --> 00:03:55,545 We're going to have to start watching Sesame Street again, 83 00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:59,301 Romper Room, Mr. Rogers. 84 00:04:00,340 --> 00:04:02,332 I like Mr. Rogers. 85 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:10,093 Have to start going to the zoo. 86 00:04:10,117 --> 00:04:13,229 Pony rides, birthday parties. 87 00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:14,864 Sterilizing baby bottles. 88 00:04:14,888 --> 00:04:16,165 Tripping over toys. 89 00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:19,035 Before you know it, the terrible twos will be upon us. 90 00:04:19,059 --> 00:04:21,170 Remember when Alex used to run around the house all the time 91 00:04:21,194 --> 00:04:23,673 going, "Mine! Mine!"? 92 00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:26,690 He never really outgrew that, did he? 93 00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:31,147 Seems like such a long time ago. 94 00:04:31,171 --> 00:04:33,954 You know, I've been doing some calculations. 95 00:04:33,978 --> 00:04:34,283 Hmm? 96 00:04:34,307 --> 00:04:37,754 When the baby's ten, I'll be 50. 97 00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:40,356 - When the baby's 20, I'll be 60. - Mmm. 98 00:04:40,380 --> 00:04:44,360 When the baby's 30, I'll be 70. 99 00:04:44,384 --> 00:04:47,479 70's a little old to have a baby, isn't it? 100 00:04:49,523 --> 00:04:52,835 It won't be a baby when it's 30. 101 00:04:52,859 --> 00:04:55,124 Yeah, I guess you're right. 102 00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:03,212 When the baby's 40, Jennifer will be 51. 103 00:05:03,236 --> 00:05:04,914 Steven, cut it out! 104 00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:07,650 I'm sorry. I'm just not used to the idea. 105 00:05:07,674 --> 00:05:09,185 Neither am I. 106 00:05:09,209 --> 00:05:12,121 It's a nice idea to get used to, isn't it? 107 00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:14,123 I wish the kids were more excited. 108 00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:15,558 Oh, they'll come around. 109 00:05:15,582 --> 00:05:18,728 Who could not love a beautiful newborn baby? 110 00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:21,831 Besides, it gives us someone else to pick on. 111 00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:25,434 You know, uh, there's one other thing 112 00:05:25,458 --> 00:05:27,436 about this we haven't mentioned. 113 00:05:27,460 --> 00:05:29,739 It's going to be real expensive, huh? 114 00:05:29,763 --> 00:05:33,495 I find this absolutely the sexiest thing in the world. 115 00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:37,280 Oh, hey, hey, hey. Come on. Cut it out. 116 00:05:37,304 --> 00:05:38,848 Don't you know that's how you got 117 00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:41,551 into trouble in the first place? 118 00:05:41,575 --> 00:05:43,519 Alex, what are you doing up? 119 00:05:43,543 --> 00:05:44,954 How am I supposed to sleep, Mom? 120 00:05:44,978 --> 00:05:47,790 I'm about to become a brother for the third time. 121 00:05:47,814 --> 00:05:50,326 It's not going to happen tonight, Alex. 122 00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:54,297 It's not, is it, Elyse? 123 00:05:54,321 --> 00:05:56,165 I can almost guarantee it. 124 00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:57,667 What's in the package? 125 00:05:57,691 --> 00:06:01,404 Oh, uh, it's, uh, something I picked up for the little guy. 126 00:06:01,428 --> 00:06:03,372 Oh, it's so cute! 127 00:06:03,396 --> 00:06:05,888 Yeah. Uh, pull the string. 128 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:08,644 I love Alex. 129 00:06:08,668 --> 00:06:10,660 Oh! 130 00:06:12,239 --> 00:06:14,317 Isn't that sweet? 131 00:06:14,341 --> 00:06:15,718 I love it! 132 00:06:15,742 --> 00:06:17,086 Yeah. You know, I think 133 00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:21,123 I need to get one of these for myself. 134 00:06:21,147 --> 00:06:24,660 This little toy reminds me of when you were a baby. 135 00:06:24,684 --> 00:06:25,895 Alex, do you remember that song 136 00:06:25,919 --> 00:06:27,964 we used to sing to you when you were little? 137 00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:30,233 It was your favorite one, and it always made you smile. 138 00:06:30,257 --> 00:06:32,535 Yeah, yeah. Uh... ♪ We're in the money. ♪ 139 00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:34,103 No. 140 00:06:34,127 --> 00:06:35,471 Don't you remember? 141 00:06:35,495 --> 00:06:37,306 It was, um... 142 00:06:37,330 --> 00:06:39,675 ♪ I'm a little teapot, short and stout ♪ 143 00:06:39,699 --> 00:06:41,177 Mom, get a hold of yourself. 144 00:06:41,201 --> 00:06:43,613 ♪ Here is the handle, here is the spout ♪ 145 00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:47,350 ♪ When I get all steamed up, hear me shout ♪ 146 00:06:47,374 --> 00:06:50,139 ♪ Tip me over and pour me out. ♪ 147 00:06:51,811 --> 00:06:55,892 This is going to be a long nine months. 148 00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:59,328 We thought about having a little brother or sister. 149 00:06:59,352 --> 00:07:02,265 We decided that it could be a lot of fun. 150 00:07:02,289 --> 00:07:04,815 Yeah, the family needs a little shaking up anyway. 151 00:07:07,394 --> 00:07:09,363 Thank you, honey. This is beautiful. 152 00:07:12,465 --> 00:07:15,177 Look at it! 153 00:07:15,201 --> 00:07:17,179 Well, it's getting pretty late. 154 00:07:17,203 --> 00:07:19,582 I think we'd better call it a night, huh? 155 00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:21,438 - Oh, yeah. - Come on. 156 00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:32,261 It did seem like a long nine months, 157 00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:33,696 but when Andy was born, 158 00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:35,898 it was an incredible thrill for us all. 159 00:07:35,922 --> 00:07:37,433 Especially Alex, it seemed. 160 00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:39,936 Oh, you know, Steven, he has your eyes. 161 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:43,172 Maybe those are my eyes, but that is your nose. 162 00:07:43,196 --> 00:07:44,840 I'd know it anywhere. 163 00:07:44,864 --> 00:07:46,242 You're great, Elyse. 164 00:07:46,266 --> 00:07:48,911 Oh, thank you, love. Oh, so are you. 165 00:07:50,937 --> 00:07:52,915 Can we come in? 166 00:07:52,939 --> 00:07:54,150 We heard a baby. 167 00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:56,666 Yeah, we thought it might be yours. 168 00:07:58,178 --> 00:07:59,373 Come on in. 169 00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:03,426 Oh, wow. 170 00:08:03,450 --> 00:08:04,961 It's a boy. 171 00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:06,977 Thank you! 172 00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:10,633 Oh! Thank you! 173 00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:12,435 Thank you! 174 00:08:12,459 --> 00:08:14,894 Thank you! Ah! 175 00:08:19,733 --> 00:08:22,678 Ah, yes, that was a magical moment. 176 00:08:22,702 --> 00:08:26,415 Yeah, it was fun for me, too. 177 00:08:26,439 --> 00:08:28,484 What was it like to all of a sudden have 178 00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:29,719 a brand-new baby in the house? 179 00:08:29,743 --> 00:08:31,554 How were your daily patterns affected? 180 00:08:31,578 --> 00:08:32,922 Well, all of a sudden, 181 00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:35,791 there were diapers to change, formula to make. 182 00:08:35,815 --> 00:08:37,960 Oh, and rattles, first words 183 00:08:37,984 --> 00:08:40,896 and the constant squeak from that Jolly Jumper 184 00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:43,332 till I thought it was going to break off its hinges. 185 00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:45,301 Babies have tons of energy. 186 00:08:45,325 --> 00:08:47,803 No, that was Alex. 187 00:08:47,827 --> 00:08:49,505 Yeah, I was... I was just checking out 188 00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:51,007 the shocks on the thing, you know. 189 00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:53,642 Making sure it was safe. 190 00:08:53,666 --> 00:08:56,178 What was the thing that changed most for the rest of the family? 191 00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:58,483 Was-was there anything that you felt missing in your life? 192 00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:00,937 Sleep. 193 00:09:07,781 --> 00:09:09,258 What are you doing? 194 00:09:09,282 --> 00:09:10,960 I'm going in to get Andrew. 195 00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:12,828 Steven, that will be the fifth time 196 00:09:12,852 --> 00:09:14,397 you've picked him up since midnight. 197 00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:16,298 Elyse, he's crying. 198 00:09:16,322 --> 00:09:17,733 Honey, we've been through this before. 199 00:09:17,757 --> 00:09:19,869 If you pick Andrew up every time he cries, 200 00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:21,470 he's never going to stop crying. 201 00:09:21,494 --> 00:09:26,442 Does that mean, when he's 30, he'll still cry in his crib? 202 00:09:26,466 --> 00:09:28,744 Not if we bring him up right. 203 00:09:30,770 --> 00:09:33,416 Elyse, how can you be so cruel? 204 00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:36,318 He's only been alone for four minutes. 205 00:09:36,342 --> 00:09:39,822 Four minutes is a big chunk of his life, Elyse. 206 00:09:39,846 --> 00:09:43,559 We are not going to spoil this baby, Steven. 207 00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:45,861 Come on. Let's go back to bed. 208 00:09:57,397 --> 00:10:00,576 Boy, has this kid got lungs. 209 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,933 Oh, my heaven. 210 00:10:10,577 --> 00:10:13,389 Elyse. 211 00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:15,391 Where are you going? 212 00:10:15,415 --> 00:10:17,927 I was going to straighten this picture. 213 00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,128 Elyse! 214 00:10:19,152 --> 00:10:21,797 Oh, he's still crying, honey. 215 00:10:21,821 --> 00:10:23,332 I thought you didn't want to spoil him. 216 00:10:23,356 --> 00:10:26,435 I don't, but I can't bear to hear him cry. 217 00:10:28,161 --> 00:10:29,772 He stopped crying. 218 00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:31,340 Hmm. 219 00:10:38,738 --> 00:10:40,049 - Is Andrew up again? - Yeah. 220 00:10:40,073 --> 00:10:42,084 We can't get him to go to sleep. 221 00:10:42,108 --> 00:10:45,221 Oh, maybe we should sing to him. 222 00:10:45,245 --> 00:10:49,525 Dad, we want him to sleep, not try and escape. 223 00:10:49,549 --> 00:10:51,727 We should try singing. We should try anything. 224 00:10:51,751 --> 00:10:53,195 I've got to get some sleep. 225 00:10:53,219 --> 00:10:54,330 We'll sing, we'll sing. 226 00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:56,232 Well, wait. What are we going to sing? 227 00:10:56,256 --> 00:10:57,466 Something for a baby. 228 00:10:57,490 --> 00:11:01,437 Hey, do you know "Let's Get Crazy" by Prince? 229 00:11:01,461 --> 00:11:02,872 It was our wedding song. 230 00:11:02,896 --> 00:11:05,574 Come on. Come on. No, no, come on. 231 00:11:05,598 --> 00:11:07,309 I'm not singing anything by Prince. 232 00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:09,778 Come on! He's tired! 233 00:11:09,802 --> 00:11:15,417 ♪ Down by the old mill stream ♪ 234 00:11:15,441 --> 00:11:20,222 ♪ Where I first met you ♪ 235 00:11:20,246 --> 00:11:22,424 ♪ You were 16 ♪ 236 00:11:22,448 --> 00:11:24,160 ♪ You were 16 ♪ 237 00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:27,763 ♪ My village queen, my village queen ♪ 238 00:11:27,787 --> 00:11:35,160 ♪ Down by the old mill stream. ♪ 239 00:11:41,668 --> 00:11:43,212 Good night. 240 00:11:46,406 --> 00:11:49,205 Look, we can work this out. We can work it out. 241 00:11:54,581 --> 00:11:56,392 I know we can. 242 00:11:56,416 --> 00:12:00,362 Now, what has stopped him from crying so far? 243 00:12:00,386 --> 00:12:03,265 When we went in there to sing, he stopped crying. 244 00:12:03,289 --> 00:12:05,534 Go in there to sing... Stop crying. 245 00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:07,937 When I brought him out here before, he stopped crying. 246 00:12:07,961 --> 00:12:10,773 Bring him out here... Stop cry... okay. 247 00:12:10,797 --> 00:12:12,174 I've got it. Come on. 248 00:12:12,198 --> 00:12:13,676 What are you going to do? 249 00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:15,878 Shh, shh. 250 00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:17,846 Wow, what are you doing? 251 00:12:17,870 --> 00:12:19,582 Okay, take it easy. 252 00:12:19,606 --> 00:12:23,236 That's my good boy. That's my good boy. 253 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:30,059 ♪ Down by the old ♪ 254 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:32,895 ♪ Mill stream... ♪ 255 00:12:32,919 --> 00:12:34,512 Nice try, Dad. 256 00:12:37,223 --> 00:12:39,068 Oh, yes, the song stylings of the Keaton family. 257 00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:40,836 That... that was quite a night. 258 00:12:40,860 --> 00:12:43,072 It's getting late, Andy. I think it's time for bed. 259 00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:45,774 But, Dad, I'm the center of attention. 260 00:12:45,798 --> 00:12:47,543 Well, why don't you go on up, 261 00:12:47,567 --> 00:12:49,411 and I'll be the center of attention. 262 00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:50,813 Come on, Andy, I'll take you up. 263 00:12:50,837 --> 00:12:51,814 Good night, Andy. 264 00:12:51,838 --> 00:12:55,784 - Good night, Andy. - Well, honey... 265 00:12:55,808 --> 00:12:57,653 is it time for my personal history yet? 266 00:12:57,677 --> 00:12:58,821 No, not just yet. 267 00:12:58,845 --> 00:13:00,756 Okay, well, you give me lots of warning, okay? 268 00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:03,750 Because I got to set up that whole slide show and... 269 00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:07,663 We're onto an interesting area here. 270 00:13:07,687 --> 00:13:11,066 The-the most recent addition to this typical American family. 271 00:13:11,090 --> 00:13:13,736 Okay, as Andy grew, would you say the style in which 272 00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:15,671 you raised him was any different from the rest of the children? 273 00:13:15,695 --> 00:13:18,107 Well, actually, it was very much the same. 274 00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:21,543 Oh, but-but as time went on, we started getting little hints 275 00:13:21,567 --> 00:13:24,079 that-that Alex intended to be more involved 276 00:13:24,103 --> 00:13:26,115 in Andy's upbringing than we had hoped. 277 00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:28,784 This started very early on. 278 00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:29,852 Okay, Andy, you ready? 279 00:13:31,878 --> 00:13:33,870 Okay. 280 00:13:38,851 --> 00:13:40,462 This is him. 281 00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:43,132 This is the guy I've been telling you about. 282 00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:46,468 This is everything you'd want in a president. 283 00:13:46,492 --> 00:13:48,604 Alex. 284 00:13:48,628 --> 00:13:51,340 Put this away... You'll frighten him. 285 00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:53,697 Ah, there you go again, Dad. 286 00:13:56,602 --> 00:13:59,481 Republican. 287 00:13:59,505 --> 00:14:01,417 And then there were other hints. 288 00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:03,052 Things that were tough to ignore. 289 00:14:03,076 --> 00:14:04,053 Who's that? 290 00:14:04,077 --> 00:14:05,921 - You. - Who am I? 291 00:14:05,945 --> 00:14:07,623 - My mommy. - That's right. 292 00:14:07,647 --> 00:14:09,491 And who's that pretty girl? 293 00:14:09,515 --> 00:14:11,360 - Jennifer. - Who's Jennifer? 294 00:14:11,384 --> 00:14:12,695 - My sister. - That's right. 295 00:14:12,719 --> 00:14:15,030 - Who's that? - Alex. 296 00:14:15,054 --> 00:14:16,532 Who is Alex? 297 00:14:16,556 --> 00:14:19,501 Alex is king. 298 00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:21,270 And after a while, we had 299 00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:23,939 to face the fact that we had another Alex on our hands. 300 00:14:23,963 --> 00:14:28,401 Mommy, come quick... Gold closed at $4.15. 301 00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:46,910 Thank you for having him. 302 00:14:50,189 --> 00:14:52,801 Ah, got to love that kid. 303 00:14:52,825 --> 00:14:54,903 I got to admit their relationship is cute 304 00:14:54,927 --> 00:14:56,605 in its own weird way. 305 00:14:56,629 --> 00:14:59,074 What's wrong with a little brother following 306 00:14:59,098 --> 00:15:01,009 in his older brother's footsteps? 307 00:15:01,033 --> 00:15:02,845 What's wrong with our footsteps? 308 00:15:02,869 --> 00:15:04,580 Well, hey, Dad, you know, he would've followed 309 00:15:04,604 --> 00:15:07,649 in your footsteps... I just got to him first. 310 00:15:07,673 --> 00:15:09,585 Why couldn't he follow in my footsteps? 311 00:15:09,609 --> 00:15:10,919 Oh, great, he'd be on a... 312 00:15:10,943 --> 00:15:13,242 on a circular track to and from the mall. 313 00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:16,458 What's wrong with that? 314 00:15:16,482 --> 00:15:19,895 His first words would be, "Attention, shoppers." 315 00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:22,131 Alex has, on occasion, uh, taken this 316 00:15:22,155 --> 00:15:25,567 "follow in his footsteps" business a little too far. 317 00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:26,635 Moi? 318 00:15:26,659 --> 00:15:28,059 Oui. 319 00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:31,473 I seem to remember Andy's first day of preschool. 320 00:15:31,497 --> 00:15:33,075 You went a little overboard there. 321 00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:34,276 Moi? 322 00:15:34,300 --> 00:15:36,098 MALLORY, ELYSE and STEVEN: Oui. 323 00:15:37,136 --> 00:15:40,082 Andy, here's your lunch box. 324 00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:42,518 Now, these are your coloring books and your crayons. 325 00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:44,686 Remember, how do we feel about sharing? 326 00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:50,058 Attaboy. 327 00:15:50,082 --> 00:15:52,027 Good. 328 00:15:52,051 --> 00:15:54,997 Okay, now, you just wear this, 329 00:15:55,021 --> 00:15:56,990 and I don't think we'll have any problem. 330 00:16:02,528 --> 00:16:03,972 Good morning, Andy. 331 00:16:03,996 --> 00:16:06,141 Good morning, Mrs. Kluger. 332 00:16:06,165 --> 00:16:08,877 Good morning, Mrs. Kluger. I'm Alex Keaton, Andy's brother. 333 00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:10,646 I'm Mrs. Kluger, the director. 334 00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:13,048 Right. Oh, listen, Andy, I got to run to class now, 335 00:16:13,072 --> 00:16:14,616 but remember, tonight, we're going to go out, 336 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:17,186 we're going to get ice cream, then I'm going to take you 337 00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:19,611 and show you how the automated teller machines work. 338 00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:23,225 Okay? Remember... who loves you? 339 00:16:23,249 --> 00:16:24,927 Alex loves me. 340 00:16:24,951 --> 00:16:26,317 You know it. 341 00:16:28,621 --> 00:16:30,265 So, uh... 342 00:16:30,289 --> 00:16:31,667 how's he doing? 343 00:16:31,691 --> 00:16:33,068 Oh, he's a terrific child. 344 00:16:33,092 --> 00:16:34,736 He's very sensitive and very thoughtful 345 00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:36,405 of the other children. 346 00:16:36,429 --> 00:16:40,298 Well, I can't help that; it's my parents' influence. 347 00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:44,213 You know, Andrew talks about you all the time, Alex. 348 00:16:44,237 --> 00:16:45,314 Oh, really? 349 00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:47,216 Yeah, he mentions your name so often, 350 00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:50,142 you'd think someone was paying him to talk about you. 351 00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:59,995 Mrs. Kluger, do you mind if I take a little look around here? 352 00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:02,431 Oh, no, feel free... We encourage visitors. 353 00:17:02,455 --> 00:17:05,033 We're completely open and free here. 354 00:17:05,057 --> 00:17:06,753 That's nothing to brag about. 355 00:17:09,095 --> 00:17:10,572 So, this is the library? 356 00:17:10,596 --> 00:17:13,442 Yeah, and we try to fill it with colorful, interesting books. 357 00:17:13,466 --> 00:17:16,411 We've got, uh, Old Charlie Goes to School, 358 00:17:16,435 --> 00:17:18,847 A Snowy Day, The Curious Cow. 359 00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:21,250 Yeah, we've got that one at home. 360 00:17:21,274 --> 00:17:24,786 Mallory's reading it. 361 00:17:24,810 --> 00:17:26,221 My sister. 362 00:17:26,245 --> 00:17:29,010 Oh, you've also got a sister in preschool. 363 00:17:30,616 --> 00:17:33,643 No, Mallory couldn't get into preschool. 364 00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:37,823 So she's going to Grant College. 365 00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:44,106 Hi, Mrs. Kluger. 366 00:17:44,130 --> 00:17:45,674 Hi, Michael. 367 00:17:45,698 --> 00:17:47,309 What does your patch say? 368 00:17:47,333 --> 00:17:50,312 I know how to say good-bye to my daddy. 369 00:17:50,336 --> 00:17:52,347 Very good, sweetie. 370 00:17:52,371 --> 00:17:55,050 Isn't that wonderful, Alex? 371 00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:57,085 What's so wonderful about that? 372 00:17:57,109 --> 00:17:59,054 I know how to say good-bye to my daddy. 373 00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:01,857 You don't see me wearing a patch. 374 00:18:01,881 --> 00:18:05,460 Well, we try to encourage Michael... he's very shy. 375 00:18:05,484 --> 00:18:07,262 This gives him a sense of accomplishment. 376 00:18:07,286 --> 00:18:08,697 Well, I'm all for creating a sense 377 00:18:08,721 --> 00:18:10,032 of accomplishment, Mrs. Kluger. 378 00:18:10,056 --> 00:18:11,733 I just question your methods. 379 00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:14,303 Oh, well, what do you suggest? 380 00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:16,572 Well, have you thought about dividing the children 381 00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:18,640 into different play groups? 382 00:18:18,664 --> 00:18:21,276 Giving them IQ tests? 383 00:18:21,300 --> 00:18:22,945 Well, Alex, we're trying to foster 384 00:18:22,969 --> 00:18:25,147 a noncompetitive environment. 385 00:18:25,171 --> 00:18:27,402 Oh, come on, Mrs. Kluger. 386 00:18:30,509 --> 00:18:34,289 Join us in the real world here. 387 00:18:34,313 --> 00:18:36,692 Do you see people out there who are noncompetitive? 388 00:18:36,716 --> 00:18:38,226 People sharing? 389 00:18:38,250 --> 00:18:41,229 People taking naps on mats? 390 00:18:41,253 --> 00:18:45,100 Steven and Elyse Keaton are your parents? 391 00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:47,235 Oh, Mrs. Kluger, I got to go. 392 00:18:47,259 --> 00:18:48,904 Um, I'm just going to say good-bye to Andy, 393 00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:50,172 - and I'll be on my way. - Sure. 394 00:18:50,196 --> 00:18:51,340 He's over there playing house. 395 00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:52,975 No, no. 396 00:18:52,999 --> 00:18:54,943 That's impossible... Andy doesn't play house. 397 00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:58,046 Well, of course he does. See him diapering that doll? 398 00:18:58,070 --> 00:19:00,062 He's diapering a doll? 399 00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:02,351 Andy, what are you doing? 400 00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:05,187 Diapering a doll. 401 00:19:05,211 --> 00:19:06,788 Where's your wife? 402 00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:08,804 Out working. 403 00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:17,299 We're out of here. 404 00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:19,001 Let's go. 405 00:19:19,025 --> 00:19:20,869 You took Andy out of preschool? 406 00:19:20,893 --> 00:19:22,904 I brought him back. 407 00:19:22,928 --> 00:19:26,908 Yeah, after the deprogramming didn't work. 408 00:19:26,932 --> 00:19:28,777 So, Alex seems to be a little overzealous 409 00:19:28,801 --> 00:19:30,045 when it comes to Andy. 410 00:19:30,069 --> 00:19:32,664 Well... well, yes, I am, sugarplum. 411 00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:36,218 Could you explain further this obsessive involvement? 412 00:19:36,242 --> 00:19:38,453 Well, frankly, it has to do with the way I was raised. 413 00:19:38,477 --> 00:19:39,788 Excuse me? 414 00:19:39,812 --> 00:19:41,790 One thing you have to know about Mom and Dad 415 00:19:41,814 --> 00:19:43,425 is that they're not your normal parents. 416 00:19:43,449 --> 00:19:45,293 He says the sweetest things. 417 00:19:45,317 --> 00:19:47,496 Well, what I mean is they really got involved 418 00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,197 in everything we did. 419 00:19:49,221 --> 00:19:51,366 Sometimes a little over-involved. 420 00:19:51,390 --> 00:19:53,052 Can anyone cite an example? 421 00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:56,805 - More popcorn? - Uh... 422 00:19:56,829 --> 00:19:58,273 There was this time that Dad felt 423 00:19:58,297 --> 00:19:59,775 he wasn't spending enough time with me, 424 00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:01,810 so he decided to become my buddy. 425 00:20:01,834 --> 00:20:03,045 Oh, right. 426 00:20:03,069 --> 00:20:06,448 ♪ Everybody down, low bridge ♪ 427 00:20:06,472 --> 00:20:08,083 ♪ For we're coming to a town ♪ 428 00:20:08,107 --> 00:20:09,751 ♪ And you'll always know your neighbor ♪ 429 00:20:09,775 --> 00:20:12,854 ♪ You'll always know your pal if you've ever navigated ♪ 430 00:20:12,878 --> 00:20:14,623 ♪ On the Erie Canal. ♪ 431 00:20:14,647 --> 00:20:15,791 All right! 432 00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:23,131 Well, what do you say, Dad? Do you want to go now? 433 00:20:23,155 --> 00:20:25,500 We've been here three minutes, Jennifer. 434 00:20:25,524 --> 00:20:28,003 All right, that was very nice singing, girls. 435 00:20:28,027 --> 00:20:30,072 And now onto the new business. 436 00:20:30,096 --> 00:20:32,340 I would like to welcome all the moms... 437 00:20:32,364 --> 00:20:34,443 and the dad. 438 00:20:34,467 --> 00:20:36,211 Mr. Keaton, 439 00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:37,979 nice that you could come, sir. 440 00:20:38,003 --> 00:20:40,482 Uh, thank you, Mrs. Carpenter. I feel very much at home. 441 00:20:40,506 --> 00:20:42,751 In fact, I'd like to give you all a warm Sunflower... 442 00:20:42,775 --> 00:20:44,641 Dad! 443 00:20:46,312 --> 00:20:47,789 Well. 444 00:20:47,813 --> 00:20:50,058 Now it's time for the round table. 445 00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:51,893 - Oh, what's that? - Well, once a month, 446 00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:54,696 we discuss some topic of interest to the Sunflower Girls. 447 00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:57,599 Oh, great, I'm-I'm all ready... Camping, boating, hiking? 448 00:20:57,623 --> 00:20:59,267 Today we're going to talk about sex. 449 00:20:59,291 --> 00:21:01,226 I'm your guy. 450 00:21:02,194 --> 00:21:03,872 Did you say "sex"? 451 00:21:03,896 --> 00:21:05,240 Mm-hmm. 452 00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:06,575 Dad, maybe you should go, really. 453 00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:08,110 Nonsense, Jennifer. 454 00:21:08,134 --> 00:21:09,745 I'm a Sunflower Dad. 455 00:21:09,769 --> 00:21:11,480 I think I can handle a... 456 00:21:11,504 --> 00:21:14,716 a mature discussion about, uh, what she said. 457 00:21:14,740 --> 00:21:16,284 Now, 458 00:21:16,308 --> 00:21:18,754 we're going to discuss our bodies 459 00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:20,922 as they blossom into womanhood. 460 00:21:20,946 --> 00:21:24,849 And about boys and their bodies as they burst into manhood. 461 00:21:30,389 --> 00:21:33,201 I know that some of you have already gone out on dates 462 00:21:33,225 --> 00:21:36,037 with boys, and I want to talk about first experiences. 463 00:21:36,061 --> 00:21:39,174 And I want the younger girls to benefit from you older girls. 464 00:21:39,198 --> 00:21:40,976 So we're going to go around the room 465 00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:42,944 starting with you, Shelly. 466 00:21:42,968 --> 00:21:45,714 Well, on my first date, 467 00:21:45,738 --> 00:21:47,783 I went out with a guy in my class. 468 00:21:47,807 --> 00:21:49,317 I'm not going to name names, but... 469 00:21:49,341 --> 00:21:50,585 Was it Larry Barker? 470 00:21:50,609 --> 00:21:52,601 That's right. 471 00:21:54,313 --> 00:21:56,625 Anyway, I went out with Larry, 472 00:21:56,649 --> 00:21:59,294 and all he wanted to do was fool around. 473 00:21:59,318 --> 00:22:00,862 What do you mean by "fool around"? 474 00:22:00,886 --> 00:22:03,098 I mean he wanted to touch my body 475 00:22:03,122 --> 00:22:05,682 as it blossomed into womanhood. 476 00:22:10,863 --> 00:22:14,176 Boys are only interested in one thing: sex. 477 00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:16,032 Right, Mr. Keaton? 478 00:22:20,272 --> 00:22:22,217 Well... well, uh... 479 00:22:22,241 --> 00:22:23,685 - Wh-What's your name? - Alice. 480 00:22:23,709 --> 00:22:27,322 Well, Alice, some boys are very interested in sex. 481 00:22:27,346 --> 00:22:28,609 Were you? 482 00:22:30,449 --> 00:22:32,727 Well, um, when I was a boy, I was interested 483 00:22:32,751 --> 00:22:33,895 in a lot of things. 484 00:22:33,919 --> 00:22:35,751 Was sex one of them? 485 00:22:37,823 --> 00:22:41,803 Well, I was interested in, uh, baseball, basketball, football. 486 00:22:41,827 --> 00:22:43,872 You're not answering the question. 487 00:22:43,896 --> 00:22:46,627 Get off my back, will you? 488 00:22:49,034 --> 00:22:51,513 I don't want to lie to you, uh, Alice. 489 00:22:51,537 --> 00:22:53,315 Uh... 490 00:22:53,339 --> 00:22:56,885 I admit, there... there were some, uh, girls, uh, 491 00:22:56,909 --> 00:22:58,854 that, uh... 492 00:22:58,878 --> 00:23:00,388 I remember Marjorie McCracken. 493 00:23:00,412 --> 00:23:03,211 Boy, she had a body on her. 494 00:23:05,851 --> 00:23:08,296 Dad, I can't believe you're talking about this stuff. 495 00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:10,665 What can I do? She was hounding me. 496 00:23:10,689 --> 00:23:11,833 Dad, you're really embarrassing me. 497 00:23:11,857 --> 00:23:13,835 This is not the place for you to be. 498 00:23:13,859 --> 00:23:15,003 Why do you say that? 499 00:23:15,027 --> 00:23:16,137 Look around you, Dad. 500 00:23:16,161 --> 00:23:18,340 Do you see anyone else here who shaves? 501 00:23:18,364 --> 00:23:20,575 Jennifer, I just want to spend some time with you. 502 00:23:20,599 --> 00:23:23,311 I'm sorry, Dad, but this isn't the right place. 503 00:23:23,335 --> 00:23:25,361 If you don't leave, I will. 504 00:23:31,777 --> 00:23:34,623 I have to say I learned a lot from that meeting. 505 00:23:34,647 --> 00:23:36,124 Me, too. 506 00:23:36,148 --> 00:23:39,661 Like don't ever be seen with your father in public. 507 00:23:39,685 --> 00:23:41,897 I think it's a lovely thing your father did. 508 00:23:41,921 --> 00:23:43,565 It shows what kind of dad he is. 509 00:23:43,589 --> 00:23:45,367 He's not a stay-at-home dad. 510 00:23:45,391 --> 00:23:49,123 Dad, in the future, do us a favor... stay at home. 511 00:23:50,229 --> 00:23:51,539 Can you think of other ways 512 00:23:51,563 --> 00:23:53,725 that your father embarrassed... 513 00:23:55,067 --> 00:23:57,846 I-I mean got involved in what you kids were doing? 514 00:23:57,870 --> 00:24:00,382 Nothing specific, but he was always involved. 515 00:24:00,406 --> 00:24:01,983 Mom, too. 516 00:24:02,007 --> 00:24:03,852 What would you say is the key to the closeness 517 00:24:03,876 --> 00:24:04,920 that you have with your parents? 518 00:24:04,944 --> 00:24:06,454 Honesty. Yeah. 519 00:24:06,478 --> 00:24:08,256 Talking out problems. 520 00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:10,272 Financial dependence. 521 00:24:12,351 --> 00:24:14,650 And honesty and talking out problems. 522 00:24:16,822 --> 00:24:18,667 Well, we made a decision a long time ago 523 00:24:18,691 --> 00:24:20,635 that if anyone had a problem, they would come to us 524 00:24:20,659 --> 00:24:22,003 and we would talk about it. 525 00:24:22,027 --> 00:24:24,372 - And that works for you? - Definitely. 526 00:24:24,396 --> 00:24:27,042 Um, well, sometimes it's a hard thing to do. 527 00:24:27,066 --> 00:24:29,110 Like the time I had to tell Mom and Dad 528 00:24:29,134 --> 00:24:31,313 that I might not graduate from high school. 529 00:24:31,337 --> 00:24:33,815 Hi, honey. I had the dress altered for you. 530 00:24:33,839 --> 00:24:35,483 I'm so excited you're going to be wearing it 531 00:24:35,507 --> 00:24:36,618 to your graduation. 532 00:24:36,642 --> 00:24:38,186 This really means a lot to me. 533 00:24:38,210 --> 00:24:39,988 Uh, what do you think of this frame, Mal? 534 00:24:40,012 --> 00:24:41,623 I think your diploma will look great in here. 535 00:24:41,647 --> 00:24:45,106 Oh, it looks nice the way it is, Dad. 536 00:24:47,786 --> 00:24:49,531 Do you want to try this on now? 537 00:24:49,555 --> 00:24:50,832 Uh, no, Mom. 538 00:24:50,856 --> 00:24:52,167 There's plenty of time for that. 539 00:24:52,191 --> 00:24:53,468 No, there isn't. 540 00:24:53,492 --> 00:24:55,791 Mom, there's time. 541 00:24:57,496 --> 00:24:59,474 Trust her. 542 00:24:59,498 --> 00:25:00,557 Come on, Jen. 543 00:25:03,035 --> 00:25:05,280 Mom, Dad, 544 00:25:05,304 --> 00:25:07,849 there's something I have to tell you. 545 00:25:07,873 --> 00:25:10,318 This isn't easy for me, 546 00:25:10,342 --> 00:25:12,454 and it's not going to make you happy. 547 00:25:12,478 --> 00:25:14,889 I don't like it any more than you will. 548 00:25:14,913 --> 00:25:16,758 You know, 549 00:25:16,782 --> 00:25:19,127 I don't know why we're going to put ourselves through this. 550 00:25:19,151 --> 00:25:22,163 In fact, I don't know why we're having this conversation. 551 00:25:22,187 --> 00:25:24,899 I'm a little fuzzy on it myself. 552 00:25:24,923 --> 00:25:26,601 Okay, I'm failing history. 553 00:25:26,625 --> 00:25:28,336 Unless I get a "B" on my final, 554 00:25:28,360 --> 00:25:30,105 which is not likely, I'm not going to graduate. 555 00:25:30,129 --> 00:25:31,606 Not graduate? 556 00:25:31,630 --> 00:25:33,942 Why is this the first we're hearing of this? 557 00:25:33,966 --> 00:25:36,511 I didn't mention it before? 558 00:25:36,535 --> 00:25:37,812 No. 559 00:25:37,836 --> 00:25:40,115 I guess I was hoping it wouldn't come to this, 560 00:25:40,139 --> 00:25:41,783 that I'd get that diploma somehow. 561 00:25:41,807 --> 00:25:43,852 Well, how did you plan on getting this diploma, Mal, 562 00:25:43,876 --> 00:25:45,720 by going to the mall four nights a week? 563 00:25:45,744 --> 00:25:47,188 By spending all that time with Nick? 564 00:25:47,212 --> 00:25:48,723 By talking on the phone all hours? 565 00:25:48,747 --> 00:25:50,739 Okay, that didn't work. 566 00:25:56,021 --> 00:25:58,700 I'm real glad you can see the humor in this, 567 00:25:58,724 --> 00:26:00,602 Mallory, because I can't. 568 00:26:00,626 --> 00:26:02,771 What do you want me to do? 569 00:26:02,795 --> 00:26:05,040 I want you to start taking things seriously. 570 00:26:05,064 --> 00:26:07,142 - I want you to grow up! - Mom, don't yell at me. 571 00:26:07,166 --> 00:26:09,544 - I feel bad enough already. - Well, sometimes I have 572 00:26:09,568 --> 00:26:11,112 to yell at you; it's the only way 573 00:26:11,136 --> 00:26:12,647 I can get through to you these days. 574 00:26:12,671 --> 00:26:14,516 All right, come on, come on, getting all upset 575 00:26:14,540 --> 00:26:15,784 isn't going to help, Elyse. 576 00:26:15,808 --> 00:26:18,920 How could you do this, Mallory?! 577 00:26:18,944 --> 00:26:20,622 I didn't want to. 578 00:26:20,646 --> 00:26:22,357 Can't you bring the grade up at all? 579 00:26:22,381 --> 00:26:23,458 I don't know. 580 00:26:23,482 --> 00:26:25,293 My teacher is so unfair to me. 581 00:26:25,317 --> 00:26:26,961 I asked her if I could do extra credit. 582 00:26:26,985 --> 00:26:29,130 She said, "No, Mallory. 583 00:26:29,154 --> 00:26:32,100 You have to get a 'B' on the final or else." 584 00:26:32,124 --> 00:26:35,136 There's no way I'm going to be able to do that. 585 00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:36,571 There's still time. 586 00:26:36,595 --> 00:26:38,039 Come on, Mom, I can't learn 587 00:26:38,063 --> 00:26:40,275 a year's worth of work in four weeks. 588 00:26:40,299 --> 00:26:43,311 Can't you guys talk to Mrs. Hillman for me? 589 00:26:43,335 --> 00:26:45,313 Well, fine, what are we going to say? 590 00:26:45,337 --> 00:26:46,581 That she should let you graduate 591 00:26:46,605 --> 00:26:47,816 even though you haven't done the work 592 00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:49,084 and you don't deserve it? 593 00:26:49,108 --> 00:26:52,601 Okay, but put it in your own words. 594 00:26:56,115 --> 00:26:58,560 If that's your attitude, just fine. 595 00:26:58,584 --> 00:27:00,395 Don't graduate. 596 00:27:00,419 --> 00:27:01,996 What do you want me to do? 597 00:27:02,020 --> 00:27:03,431 Look, I think your only choice now 598 00:27:03,455 --> 00:27:07,102 is to sit down and study as hard as you can. 599 00:27:07,126 --> 00:27:09,104 Dad, what would be the point? I'd still flunk. 600 00:27:09,128 --> 00:27:10,338 I'm not smart. 601 00:27:10,362 --> 00:27:11,973 There's no way I can do this. 602 00:27:11,997 --> 00:27:13,408 You are smart, Mallory. 603 00:27:13,432 --> 00:27:14,542 You just don't apply yourself. 604 00:27:14,566 --> 00:27:15,710 Your teachers have always said that. 605 00:27:15,734 --> 00:27:16,911 Look, if you give up on this, 606 00:27:16,935 --> 00:27:18,780 you're not even giving yourself a chance. 607 00:27:18,804 --> 00:27:20,602 Now, this time, it's too important. 608 00:27:24,409 --> 00:27:27,088 I'm scared. 609 00:27:27,112 --> 00:27:29,390 You have no choice. 610 00:27:29,414 --> 00:27:32,760 Well, I hit the books like I never did before, 611 00:27:32,784 --> 00:27:34,629 and by the time the big exam came, 612 00:27:34,653 --> 00:27:36,531 I thought I was ready. 613 00:27:36,555 --> 00:27:39,801 So, have you been studying? 614 00:27:39,825 --> 00:27:41,102 Yes, a lot. 615 00:27:41,126 --> 00:27:42,303 Good. 616 00:27:42,327 --> 00:27:44,739 - Well, good luck. - Thank you. 617 00:27:44,763 --> 00:27:47,108 Okay, I'm going to ask you six questions. 618 00:27:47,132 --> 00:27:49,544 I want you to think about what you're going to say 619 00:27:49,568 --> 00:27:50,979 and be brief and to the point. 620 00:27:51,003 --> 00:27:52,447 You ready? 621 00:27:52,471 --> 00:27:53,481 Uh-huh. 622 00:27:53,505 --> 00:27:54,482 Okay. 623 00:27:54,506 --> 00:27:56,684 What was the Louisiana Purchase, 624 00:27:56,708 --> 00:28:00,855 and how did it affect Thomas Jefferson's presidency? 625 00:28:00,879 --> 00:28:04,359 Well, Thomas Jefferson wanted some land, 626 00:28:04,383 --> 00:28:07,862 and, uh, Napoleon had some. 627 00:28:07,886 --> 00:28:12,367 Uh, so he finally bought it for $15 million, 628 00:28:12,391 --> 00:28:16,556 which wasn't a bad price, considering it was from France. 629 00:28:22,701 --> 00:28:24,245 I thought you said you studied. 630 00:28:24,269 --> 00:28:25,713 I did. 631 00:28:25,737 --> 00:28:28,016 That answer was gibberish. 632 00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:31,419 Now tell me the answer in clear and coherent English. 633 00:28:31,443 --> 00:28:32,687 I don't know what you mean. 634 00:28:32,711 --> 00:28:34,222 Well, then you're going to flunk, 635 00:28:34,246 --> 00:28:35,990 - and you won't graduate. - Mrs. Hillman... 636 00:28:36,014 --> 00:28:37,458 When are you going to drop this charade 637 00:28:37,482 --> 00:28:38,960 and start acting like an intelligent young woman? 638 00:28:38,984 --> 00:28:40,695 I'm doing the best I can. 639 00:28:40,719 --> 00:28:43,131 Well, Mallory, if this is the best you can do, 640 00:28:43,155 --> 00:28:44,799 then obviously I've overestimated you. 641 00:28:44,823 --> 00:28:46,267 How can you say that? 642 00:28:46,291 --> 00:28:48,469 I've been studying my head off for four weeks. 643 00:28:48,493 --> 00:28:49,837 What do you want from me? 644 00:28:49,861 --> 00:28:51,472 An intelligent answer. 645 00:28:51,496 --> 00:28:53,374 Now, come on. 646 00:28:53,398 --> 00:28:55,009 How did the Louisiana Purchase 647 00:28:55,033 --> 00:28:57,312 affect Thomas Jefferson's presidency? 648 00:28:57,336 --> 00:28:59,714 Tell me what you think, intelligently. 649 00:28:59,738 --> 00:29:01,449 Can you do that? 650 00:29:01,473 --> 00:29:02,850 Or would you rather... 651 00:29:02,874 --> 00:29:04,319 The Louisiana Purchase was difficult for Jefferson 652 00:29:04,343 --> 00:29:06,120 because he supported states' rights, 653 00:29:06,144 --> 00:29:07,555 and when he made the purchase, 654 00:29:07,579 --> 00:29:09,090 he was doing more for federal powers 655 00:29:09,114 --> 00:29:10,391 so he lost political backing 656 00:29:10,415 --> 00:29:12,816 for the people involved in states' right. 657 00:29:14,052 --> 00:29:15,196 I'm sorry. 658 00:29:15,220 --> 00:29:17,212 I didn't mean that. 659 00:29:19,191 --> 00:29:22,670 Mallory, that's what I want from you. 660 00:29:22,694 --> 00:29:25,473 Now, that was an intelligent answer. 661 00:29:25,497 --> 00:29:26,908 It was? 662 00:29:26,932 --> 00:29:28,560 Yes, it was. 663 00:29:29,901 --> 00:29:33,781 And that is the story of how I got to Grant College. 664 00:29:33,805 --> 00:29:36,317 Grant College, where the school motto is, 665 00:29:36,341 --> 00:29:39,937 "Get left back, win a free pie." 666 00:29:41,213 --> 00:29:42,423 Hello, everybody. 667 00:29:42,447 --> 00:29:43,992 Hey, hello, hello. 668 00:29:44,016 --> 00:29:46,928 Look, another Grant College, dare we say, student. 669 00:29:46,952 --> 00:29:48,596 What brings you by, Skip? 670 00:29:48,620 --> 00:29:50,598 Nothing, just a slow night at my house. 671 00:29:50,622 --> 00:29:51,833 My mother's playing mah-jongg, 672 00:29:51,857 --> 00:29:53,234 and my dad's cleaning the furnace 673 00:29:53,258 --> 00:29:54,869 with an electric toothbrush. 674 00:29:54,893 --> 00:29:57,038 Same old stuff. 675 00:29:57,062 --> 00:29:58,940 What's going on here? 676 00:29:58,964 --> 00:30:00,541 I'm interviewing the Keatons on what it's like 677 00:30:00,565 --> 00:30:03,578 to be a typical American family in 1987. 678 00:30:03,602 --> 00:30:04,879 Oh, well, then, Lauren, 679 00:30:04,903 --> 00:30:06,347 you might want to interview me, too. 680 00:30:06,371 --> 00:30:07,849 I mean, having lived next door 681 00:30:07,873 --> 00:30:09,584 to the Keatons for so many years, 682 00:30:09,608 --> 00:30:12,287 I've felt just like part of the family. 683 00:30:12,311 --> 00:30:13,621 - Really? - Yes. 684 00:30:13,645 --> 00:30:15,423 Alex and Jen and Mallory 685 00:30:15,447 --> 00:30:16,924 have always treated me like a brother. 686 00:30:16,948 --> 00:30:18,226 And Mr. and Mrs. Keaton 687 00:30:18,250 --> 00:30:21,562 have always treated me like the son they never had. 688 00:30:21,586 --> 00:30:23,064 Thanks, Skip. 689 00:30:23,088 --> 00:30:26,000 This isn't cutting into my time at all, is it? 690 00:30:26,024 --> 00:30:27,502 No, it's fine. 691 00:30:27,526 --> 00:30:29,270 Everyone's going to have their chance to speak. 692 00:30:29,294 --> 00:30:30,571 All right, go ahead, Skippy. 693 00:30:30,595 --> 00:30:32,607 Um, can you remember a specific time when the... 694 00:30:32,631 --> 00:30:33,808 when the family embraced you 695 00:30:33,832 --> 00:30:35,943 and included you as one of its members? 696 00:30:35,967 --> 00:30:39,013 Did we do that? 697 00:30:39,037 --> 00:30:41,115 Now that you mention it, I-I can. 698 00:30:41,139 --> 00:30:44,118 It was when I-I first found out that... 699 00:30:44,142 --> 00:30:46,187 I was adopted. 700 00:30:46,211 --> 00:30:47,622 You're adopted? 701 00:30:47,646 --> 00:30:48,890 Yes. 702 00:30:48,914 --> 00:30:51,059 Skippy... 703 00:30:51,083 --> 00:30:53,961 we all know. 704 00:30:53,985 --> 00:30:55,963 Well, anyway, the news was rather shocking, 705 00:30:55,987 --> 00:31:00,368 but with the encouragement of the Keatons, 706 00:31:00,392 --> 00:31:03,438 I decided to go see my natural mother. 707 00:31:03,462 --> 00:31:05,373 But it didn't turn out as great as I'd hoped. 708 00:31:05,397 --> 00:31:07,375 She didn't want me back in her life. 709 00:31:07,399 --> 00:31:08,943 When we got back here, I was crushed. 710 00:31:08,967 --> 00:31:10,111 Alex, I'm in a daze. 711 00:31:10,135 --> 00:31:11,312 I'm stunned. 712 00:31:11,336 --> 00:31:15,171 My mother rejected me... again. 713 00:31:17,142 --> 00:31:19,153 My mother never would have acted that way. 714 00:31:19,177 --> 00:31:21,422 That's just the point, Skip. 715 00:31:21,446 --> 00:31:25,259 See, she wouldn't have done that because she is your mother. 716 00:31:25,283 --> 00:31:26,994 She loves you. 717 00:31:27,018 --> 00:31:29,864 Wait a minute, which mother are you talking about? 718 00:31:29,888 --> 00:31:31,499 I'm talking about your mother. 719 00:31:31,523 --> 00:31:33,101 N-Not... not the one from today, 720 00:31:33,125 --> 00:31:35,136 but your other mother, your real mother. 721 00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:38,439 The one from today is my real mother. 722 00:31:38,463 --> 00:31:40,541 Well, that's true, but I was referring to the mother 723 00:31:40,565 --> 00:31:41,909 that you thought was your real mother 724 00:31:41,933 --> 00:31:43,144 until a few days ago. 725 00:31:43,168 --> 00:31:45,446 You mean my mother. 726 00:31:45,470 --> 00:31:48,049 That's what I said, Skip... Your mother. 727 00:31:48,073 --> 00:31:50,318 When you said my mother, I thought you meant my mother, 728 00:31:50,342 --> 00:31:53,121 as in the one who was my mother first. 729 00:31:53,145 --> 00:31:55,890 No, no, I'm talking about your other mother. 730 00:31:55,914 --> 00:31:57,525 Not the mother who... who knew you first; 731 00:31:57,549 --> 00:31:59,060 the mother that you knew first. 732 00:31:59,084 --> 00:32:00,895 Got it. 733 00:32:00,919 --> 00:32:02,945 What about her? 734 00:32:04,289 --> 00:32:05,633 Look, Skip, all... 735 00:32:05,657 --> 00:32:09,103 all I'm trying to say to you is this. 736 00:32:09,127 --> 00:32:11,858 Your mother didn't reject you. 737 00:32:13,131 --> 00:32:16,244 The woman who gave birth to you rejected you. 738 00:32:16,268 --> 00:32:18,513 You mean my mother? 739 00:32:18,537 --> 00:32:22,150 Let's not start this again, Skip. 740 00:32:22,174 --> 00:32:25,920 Look, when you were seven years old 741 00:32:25,944 --> 00:32:29,657 and you got your head caught in the banister, 742 00:32:29,681 --> 00:32:32,026 who got you loose? 743 00:32:32,050 --> 00:32:33,461 My mom. 744 00:32:33,485 --> 00:32:35,263 Which mom? 745 00:32:35,287 --> 00:32:37,365 The one that raised me. 746 00:32:37,389 --> 00:32:38,933 Mrs. Handelman. 747 00:32:38,957 --> 00:32:40,802 That's right. 748 00:32:40,826 --> 00:32:44,005 And when you were 13 years old 749 00:32:44,029 --> 00:32:47,830 and you got your head caught in the banister... 750 00:32:51,570 --> 00:32:54,048 who got you loose? 751 00:32:54,072 --> 00:32:56,484 That time, it was my dad. 752 00:32:56,508 --> 00:32:59,153 Um, Mr. Handelman. 753 00:32:59,177 --> 00:33:04,292 Skip, if it wasn't for those two people, 754 00:33:04,316 --> 00:33:08,845 your head would be stuck in that banister right now. 755 00:33:11,089 --> 00:33:12,955 It's true. 756 00:33:13,992 --> 00:33:16,604 See, the woman you met today 757 00:33:16,628 --> 00:33:18,906 is your natural mother, 758 00:33:18,930 --> 00:33:22,276 and-and there's a guy out there who is your natural father, 759 00:33:22,300 --> 00:33:25,980 but they haven't been a part of your life for 16 years. 760 00:33:26,004 --> 00:33:28,449 They-they've had no role in-in nurturing you, 761 00:33:28,473 --> 00:33:30,451 in molding you, 762 00:33:30,475 --> 00:33:32,720 in-in caring for you. 763 00:33:32,744 --> 00:33:36,524 They, uh... they created a baby, 764 00:33:36,548 --> 00:33:39,360 but they had no part in creating the human being 765 00:33:39,384 --> 00:33:41,863 that's Irwin N. Handelman. 766 00:33:41,887 --> 00:33:43,698 Oh, even so, Alex, 767 00:33:43,722 --> 00:33:45,800 how would you feel if you found out 768 00:33:45,824 --> 00:33:48,692 that your mom and dad aren't your natural parents? 769 00:33:50,061 --> 00:33:53,862 It would explain a lot of inconsistencies in my family. 770 00:33:59,671 --> 00:34:02,917 Look, what it gets right down to, Skip, is: 771 00:34:02,941 --> 00:34:06,020 The people who are most important in your life 772 00:34:06,044 --> 00:34:08,089 are the people who love you 773 00:34:08,113 --> 00:34:10,892 and the people who care about you, 774 00:34:10,916 --> 00:34:14,495 and you've got those people just as much as I do. 775 00:34:20,225 --> 00:34:21,802 You're home. 776 00:34:21,826 --> 00:34:23,304 Yeah, just got back. 777 00:34:23,328 --> 00:34:25,406 Uh, we would have been here sooner, 778 00:34:25,430 --> 00:34:28,409 but we got stuck at the Wilson Interchange. 779 00:34:28,433 --> 00:34:29,644 I was worried you might. 780 00:34:29,668 --> 00:34:31,899 They ought to put better signs up there. 781 00:34:33,171 --> 00:34:36,573 So, how'd it go, baby boy? 782 00:34:37,943 --> 00:34:40,755 You don't have to call me that anymore. 783 00:34:40,779 --> 00:34:42,623 Did you meet... 784 00:34:42,647 --> 00:34:44,725 her? 785 00:34:44,749 --> 00:34:47,762 Yeah, I met her. 786 00:34:47,786 --> 00:34:49,764 She was... 787 00:34:49,788 --> 00:34:51,866 pretty nice. 788 00:34:51,890 --> 00:34:54,068 I see. 789 00:34:54,092 --> 00:34:56,137 Alex met her, too. 790 00:34:56,161 --> 00:34:59,427 Yeah, yeah, she was, uh... she was nice. 791 00:35:00,865 --> 00:35:04,045 Well, I'm glad 792 00:35:04,069 --> 00:35:06,800 your real mother's nice. 793 00:35:07,839 --> 00:35:09,717 You're my real mother. 794 00:35:09,741 --> 00:35:11,419 Oh, Mom. 795 00:35:11,443 --> 00:35:13,921 Hey, what about me? 796 00:35:13,945 --> 00:35:15,389 You're my real dad, Dad. 797 00:35:16,982 --> 00:35:20,194 Let's go home and have real dinner. 798 00:35:20,218 --> 00:35:21,662 Let's go home. 799 00:35:21,686 --> 00:35:23,030 I just said that. 800 00:35:23,054 --> 00:35:25,046 Oh, yeah. 801 00:35:27,926 --> 00:35:29,637 Honey, tell me... 802 00:35:29,661 --> 00:35:34,542 and you can be completely honest with me, okay? 803 00:35:34,566 --> 00:35:38,546 Are we ever going to get to my personal history? 804 00:35:38,570 --> 00:35:40,214 I'm afraid not. 805 00:35:40,238 --> 00:35:41,949 Okay, okay. 806 00:35:41,973 --> 00:35:44,518 That's fine. 807 00:35:44,542 --> 00:35:46,053 Don't pout. 808 00:35:46,077 --> 00:35:47,922 I'm not. I'm not. 809 00:35:47,946 --> 00:35:51,058 I have the slide projector set up, everything. 810 00:35:51,082 --> 00:35:52,560 I just think that we've discovered 811 00:35:52,584 --> 00:35:54,328 a very interesting area here. 812 00:35:54,352 --> 00:35:55,663 More interesting than me? 813 00:35:55,687 --> 00:35:57,898 Have you seen my baby pictures? 814 00:35:57,922 --> 00:36:01,002 You know, what I think is interesting is that in all this, 815 00:36:01,026 --> 00:36:03,237 there seems to be a sense of responsibility that... 816 00:36:03,261 --> 00:36:05,139 that bonds this family together. 817 00:36:05,163 --> 00:36:06,407 I mean, whoever's in need, 818 00:36:06,431 --> 00:36:08,442 they-they always have someone to go to. 819 00:36:08,466 --> 00:36:11,145 We try to be there for them to, uh... 820 00:36:11,169 --> 00:36:14,281 to guide them, to nurture, to support them. 821 00:36:14,305 --> 00:36:15,816 Children need their parents. 822 00:36:15,840 --> 00:36:17,952 Well, Dad, I mean, wait a minute. Wait a minute. 823 00:36:17,976 --> 00:36:19,553 It's not just a one-way street here. 824 00:36:19,577 --> 00:36:22,423 I mean, there have been times that you've come to me for help. 825 00:36:22,447 --> 00:36:25,159 Real...? Oh, I don't remember that. 826 00:36:25,183 --> 00:36:26,627 Well, I do. 827 00:36:26,651 --> 00:36:28,696 Well, can anyone cite an example of when one or... 828 00:36:28,720 --> 00:36:30,698 or both of your parents came to you for help? 829 00:36:30,722 --> 00:36:32,700 - Ooh, ooh. - I've got a great one. 830 00:36:32,724 --> 00:36:33,768 Alex? 831 00:36:33,792 --> 00:36:35,169 Okay, all right. 832 00:36:35,193 --> 00:36:36,871 Uh, Dad, remember that time 833 00:36:36,895 --> 00:36:38,739 that-that-that-that old flame of Mom's came into town? 834 00:36:38,763 --> 00:36:40,107 They went out for dinner, 835 00:36:40,131 --> 00:36:42,743 and-and you got so jealous you made a fool of yourself? 836 00:36:42,767 --> 00:36:44,178 I don't... 837 00:36:44,202 --> 00:36:45,946 So, what are you doing here? 838 00:36:45,970 --> 00:36:48,883 I thought you and Mom were going out with Richie tonight. 839 00:36:48,907 --> 00:36:50,084 We did. 840 00:36:50,108 --> 00:36:51,519 What happened? 841 00:36:51,543 --> 00:36:54,689 Well, I embarrassed your mother, I embarrassed myself, 842 00:36:54,713 --> 00:36:56,590 I embarrassed an old friend, 843 00:36:56,614 --> 00:37:01,177 and as far as I can tell now, I'm probably completely wrong. 844 00:37:02,220 --> 00:37:04,621 So it's nothing new, then. 845 00:37:05,957 --> 00:37:08,469 Well, I mean, you know, 846 00:37:08,493 --> 00:37:10,871 it's nothing you haven't been through before. 847 00:37:10,895 --> 00:37:12,573 I guess not. 848 00:37:12,597 --> 00:37:16,644 Listen, Dad, you know, you always told me 849 00:37:16,668 --> 00:37:19,547 that it takes a big man to admit when he's wrong. 850 00:37:19,571 --> 00:37:20,948 Mm-hmm. 851 00:37:20,972 --> 00:37:23,718 And to always try and keep a perspective on things. 852 00:37:23,742 --> 00:37:25,219 Uh-huh. 853 00:37:25,243 --> 00:37:27,644 To always respect the other person's point of view. 854 00:37:27,668 --> 00:37:27,988 Right. 855 00:37:28,012 --> 00:37:30,091 - To understand your own motivations... - Right. 856 00:37:30,115 --> 00:37:31,726 Control your own worst instincts. 857 00:37:31,750 --> 00:37:32,927 - Yeah. - To always rise... 858 00:37:32,951 --> 00:37:34,943 Enough! 859 00:37:40,258 --> 00:37:42,002 I'm sorry. 860 00:37:42,026 --> 00:37:44,305 You're right. 861 00:37:44,329 --> 00:37:46,507 Don't worry, Dad. 862 00:37:46,531 --> 00:37:49,610 You're going to pull through this. 863 00:37:49,634 --> 00:37:54,615 And, uh, when you talk to Mom... 864 00:37:54,639 --> 00:37:57,118 cry if you have to. 865 00:37:57,142 --> 00:38:00,321 You know, women like that. 866 00:38:00,345 --> 00:38:04,510 It's no skin off your back, and they think it's sensitive. 867 00:38:20,665 --> 00:38:23,396 How did my little prank go over? 868 00:38:29,741 --> 00:38:33,387 How could you do this, Steven? 869 00:38:33,411 --> 00:38:39,126 I thought we had a bond of love and respect between us, 870 00:38:39,150 --> 00:38:41,529 an understanding that would preclude anything 871 00:38:41,553 --> 00:38:43,464 like this from ever happening. 872 00:38:43,488 --> 00:38:47,668 I'm insulted that you obviously don't feel the same way. 873 00:38:47,692 --> 00:38:49,837 I do feel the same way. 874 00:38:49,861 --> 00:38:51,105 Oh, really? 875 00:38:51,129 --> 00:38:53,440 Well, you have an interesting way of showing it. 876 00:38:53,464 --> 00:38:56,310 Embarrassing and insulting me 877 00:38:56,334 --> 00:38:59,880 and a dear old friend in a public place. Steven... 878 00:38:59,904 --> 00:39:03,617 I'm not saying there isn't room for improvement. 879 00:39:03,641 --> 00:39:05,152 Steven, stop it! 880 00:39:05,176 --> 00:39:07,922 What you did tonight was absolutely indefensible! 881 00:39:07,946 --> 00:39:09,790 I'm so sick and tired of it. 882 00:39:09,814 --> 00:39:12,526 I-I don't want to hear another word about it. 883 00:39:12,550 --> 00:39:14,461 Elyse, I'm sorry, but I only did this 884 00:39:14,485 --> 00:39:15,830 because you're the most 885 00:39:15,854 --> 00:39:17,231 beautiful, exciting woman I've ever met. 886 00:39:17,255 --> 00:39:19,533 And sometimes the passion I feel for you is so great, 887 00:39:19,557 --> 00:39:22,503 it, it makes me crazy. 888 00:39:22,527 --> 00:39:24,553 I'm listening. 889 00:39:31,169 --> 00:39:37,051 Do you remember, the first day we met, 890 00:39:37,075 --> 00:39:40,354 freshman year, 891 00:39:40,378 --> 00:39:44,358 you were lost, you couldn't find your class? 892 00:39:44,382 --> 00:39:48,596 I had a map. 893 00:39:48,620 --> 00:39:51,419 Unfortunately, it was a map of Spain. 894 00:39:56,094 --> 00:39:58,772 So, so we spent the day wandering around the town, 895 00:39:58,796 --> 00:40:03,544 getting ice cream, uh, browsing through bookstores... 896 00:40:03,568 --> 00:40:05,901 falling in love. 897 00:40:07,038 --> 00:40:08,983 Oh, you were so beautiful. 898 00:40:09,007 --> 00:40:11,652 You still are. 899 00:40:11,676 --> 00:40:16,624 And even after all these years, after all we've been through, 900 00:40:16,648 --> 00:40:18,359 after everything that's happened, 901 00:40:18,383 --> 00:40:20,909 I still can't believe you picked me! 902 00:40:22,620 --> 00:40:24,646 Go on. 903 00:40:27,625 --> 00:40:28,936 Don't you see what I'm saying, Elyse? 904 00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:32,640 When, when Richie came here and... 905 00:40:32,664 --> 00:40:34,475 and I found out about the two of you, 906 00:40:34,499 --> 00:40:37,244 it just went right to the heart of all the insecurities 907 00:40:37,268 --> 00:40:40,247 I've ever had about myself. 908 00:40:40,271 --> 00:40:43,833 And about whether I'm, uh, good enough for you. 909 00:40:45,343 --> 00:40:49,523 Steven, what do you think I've been doing all these years? 910 00:40:49,547 --> 00:40:53,541 Biding my time till I found someone I really liked? 911 00:40:56,020 --> 00:40:58,165 I don't want to become one of those couples, Elyse. 912 00:40:58,189 --> 00:41:01,769 The ones that have settled, grown tired, bored, 913 00:41:01,793 --> 00:41:03,771 where everyone else is more exciting 914 00:41:03,795 --> 00:41:05,339 than the person they're married to. 915 00:41:05,363 --> 00:41:07,308 I don't want that either, Steven! 916 00:41:07,332 --> 00:41:11,512 I want there to be romance, bells going off, 917 00:41:11,536 --> 00:41:13,914 quickened pulses when I walk through that door. 918 00:41:13,938 --> 00:41:15,983 I want that look, that look is mine. 919 00:41:16,007 --> 00:41:18,686 What look?! 920 00:41:18,710 --> 00:41:20,354 My look. 921 00:41:20,378 --> 00:41:22,022 The one that's supposed to be only for me. 922 00:41:22,046 --> 00:41:24,224 The look that tells me that we're really meant 923 00:41:24,248 --> 00:41:25,659 to be together; 924 00:41:25,683 --> 00:41:28,228 that I'm the one. 925 00:41:28,252 --> 00:41:31,332 I have a look that says all that? 926 00:41:31,356 --> 00:41:34,292 Yeah, I showed it to you yesterday! 927 00:41:39,063 --> 00:41:41,055 I can't do it. You do it! 928 00:41:44,502 --> 00:41:48,449 Now you look like Daffy Duck. 929 00:41:48,473 --> 00:41:52,152 Steven, forget the look. The look isn't important. 930 00:41:52,176 --> 00:41:56,423 What's important is... 931 00:41:56,447 --> 00:41:59,093 is that we trust each other. 932 00:41:59,117 --> 00:42:01,929 You're my best friend, Steven. 933 00:42:01,953 --> 00:42:03,931 I rely on you. 934 00:42:03,955 --> 00:42:07,167 I want you to rely on me. 935 00:42:07,191 --> 00:42:10,237 I love you, Steven. 936 00:42:10,261 --> 00:42:12,059 Let's go upstairs. 937 00:42:13,698 --> 00:42:16,910 Why go upstairs... 938 00:42:16,934 --> 00:42:20,848 Captain Romance? 939 00:42:20,872 --> 00:42:23,584 That's the look. 940 00:42:23,608 --> 00:42:25,770 Get a camera. 941 00:42:28,613 --> 00:42:30,958 - You really do love me, huh? - Mm. 942 00:42:30,982 --> 00:42:33,227 Quick, somebody stop them before they start kissing. 943 00:42:33,251 --> 00:42:37,297 Get a bucket of water or bang on some cymbals or something. 944 00:42:37,321 --> 00:42:39,333 My parents never kiss in front of me. 945 00:42:39,357 --> 00:42:40,667 At their most romantic, 946 00:42:40,691 --> 00:42:43,593 they might rub noses or pull each other's hair. 947 00:42:45,463 --> 00:42:48,075 Well, I think that's all the time that we have for tonight. 948 00:42:52,203 --> 00:42:55,049 Alex, I'm going to take your baby pictures home. 949 00:42:55,073 --> 00:42:56,383 I'm going to look at them later. 950 00:42:56,407 --> 00:42:58,919 It's not the same. 951 00:42:58,943 --> 00:43:00,521 Who's going to be there to-to "Ooh"? 952 00:43:00,545 --> 00:43:04,291 Who's going to be there to "Ah"? 953 00:43:04,315 --> 00:43:07,127 I really want to thank you all for taking the time to share 954 00:43:07,151 --> 00:43:08,996 your views and experiences with me. 955 00:43:09,020 --> 00:43:10,431 It's been very enlightening. 956 00:43:10,455 --> 00:43:12,399 Well, I think the pleasure's been ours. 957 00:43:12,423 --> 00:43:14,968 I really enjoyed this little trip down memory lane. 958 00:43:14,992 --> 00:43:17,237 All right, in closing, if you had to pick one word 959 00:43:17,261 --> 00:43:21,075 that means family to you, what would it be? 960 00:43:21,099 --> 00:43:22,931 Love. 961 00:43:24,368 --> 00:43:25,368 Love. 962 00:43:26,337 --> 00:43:30,417 - Love. - Love. 963 00:43:30,441 --> 00:43:32,273 Money. 964 00:43:33,544 --> 00:43:35,322 Love of money. 965 00:43:35,346 --> 00:43:38,992 Love. Love. 966 00:43:39,016 --> 00:43:41,361 I don't think you can sum up family. 967 00:43:41,385 --> 00:43:44,698 It's a web of interchanging 968 00:43:44,722 --> 00:43:47,901 and always-changing relations and emotions. 969 00:43:47,925 --> 00:43:49,369 Come on, Alex. You're his big brother. 970 00:43:49,393 --> 00:43:50,504 - You set a good example for him. - Mom, no, this is ridiculous. 971 00:43:50,528 --> 00:43:52,639 Show him! 972 00:43:52,663 --> 00:43:57,811 Okay, watch Alex, Andrew. Okay. 973 00:43:57,835 --> 00:44:01,381 Now the mama bird flies back to her nest. 974 00:44:01,405 --> 00:44:04,818 And the baby bird opens up his mouth so big... 975 00:44:04,842 --> 00:44:07,821 Come on, Alex, open your mouth, Alex. Open. 976 00:44:07,845 --> 00:44:09,756 Would you open your mouth, Alex! 977 00:44:09,780 --> 00:44:11,692 Hi, guys. 978 00:44:11,716 --> 00:44:13,627 I can't get either one of them to eat! 979 00:44:13,651 --> 00:44:16,830 Dad, we need a new mom. This one's had it. 980 00:44:16,854 --> 00:44:18,599 Do you know what it means that we're brothers? 981 00:44:18,623 --> 00:44:24,938 It means that I have to do everything that you say. 982 00:44:24,962 --> 00:44:27,295 That's a big part of it, yep. 983 00:44:28,699 --> 00:44:30,277 If you want to fit in around here, Nick, 984 00:44:30,301 --> 00:44:32,479 you got to look like me, you got to act like me, 985 00:44:32,503 --> 00:44:36,683 you got to talk like me, you got to be another me. 986 00:44:36,707 --> 00:44:39,019 Okay, I'll do it. 987 00:44:39,043 --> 00:44:42,389 I'll do it because I love Mallory. 988 00:44:42,413 --> 00:44:44,109 Why do you do it? 989 00:44:45,716 --> 00:44:47,694 All right, all right, okay, Jennifer. All right. 990 00:44:47,718 --> 00:44:50,697 I've tried to appeal to your sense of compassion. 991 00:44:50,721 --> 00:44:52,933 I have no other option. 992 00:44:52,957 --> 00:44:54,401 Ten dollars. 993 00:44:54,425 --> 00:44:55,602 - $20. - $12. 994 00:44:55,626 --> 00:44:56,670 - $17. - $14.50. 995 00:44:56,694 --> 00:44:58,238 - $15.75. - $15.25. 996 00:44:58,262 --> 00:45:01,308 - $15.50. - Done. 997 00:45:01,332 --> 00:45:02,776 You guys are really something, you know that? 998 00:45:02,800 --> 00:45:04,511 You're a very special couple. 999 00:45:04,535 --> 00:45:06,547 You do things together. 1000 00:45:06,571 --> 00:45:09,316 You, you learn from each other, you share things. 1001 00:45:09,340 --> 00:45:11,852 Common interests. You like being with each other. 1002 00:45:11,876 --> 00:45:13,387 What's your secret? 1003 00:45:13,411 --> 00:45:15,937 I never get my way. 1004 00:45:17,081 --> 00:45:18,592 Do you know that I used to sit around 1005 00:45:18,616 --> 00:45:21,395 just thinking about what it would be like if we got married? 1006 00:45:24,388 --> 00:45:25,766 Married? 1007 00:45:25,790 --> 00:45:28,769 Yeah! Yeah, I had the whole thing planned out. 1008 00:45:28,793 --> 00:45:33,273 A-A big ceremony at night under a big tent. 1009 00:45:33,297 --> 00:45:34,808 Like a circus? 1010 00:45:34,832 --> 00:45:37,110 Exactly. But instead of walking down the aisle, 1011 00:45:37,134 --> 00:45:39,646 I'd get shot out of a cannon toward the altar. 1012 00:45:39,670 --> 00:45:43,517 And then, uh, we'd go on our honeymoon. 1013 00:45:43,541 --> 00:45:48,222 We'd go to Paris, where we'd spend our evenings dining alone 1014 00:45:48,246 --> 00:45:51,045 on the banks of the Nile. 1015 00:45:55,419 --> 00:45:58,514 Skippy... the Nile's in London. 1016 00:46:02,226 --> 00:46:03,670 Mallory, if we've given Alex more freedom 1017 00:46:03,694 --> 00:46:05,205 in his personal life, 1018 00:46:05,229 --> 00:46:09,291 it's only because he's a boy and you're a girl! 1019 00:46:11,602 --> 00:46:15,232 Go ahead. I'd like to hear the rest of that. 1020 00:46:18,743 --> 00:46:20,520 I can't believe you just said that, Dad. 1021 00:46:20,544 --> 00:46:23,810 - Mal... - Hang tough, hang tough. Looking good. 1022 00:46:29,620 --> 00:46:30,731 This is really nice. 1023 00:46:30,755 --> 00:46:32,633 Uh, you guys eat like this all the time? 1024 00:46:32,657 --> 00:46:34,956 You mean with utensils? Ow! 1025 00:46:38,829 --> 00:46:42,009 What is this?! I found it in the shower! 1026 00:46:42,033 --> 00:46:44,077 That's generic-brand shampoo. 1027 00:46:46,504 --> 00:46:48,248 It's family, Alex. You can't escape it. 1028 00:46:48,272 --> 00:46:49,316 Yeah. 1029 00:46:49,340 --> 00:46:51,084 I'm hip. I'm cool. 1030 00:46:51,108 --> 00:46:53,805 I'm a happening fool. 1031 00:46:55,046 --> 00:46:57,691 I want to slow this thing down, Elyse. 1032 00:46:57,715 --> 00:46:59,760 Going too fast. 1033 00:46:59,784 --> 00:47:02,863 Yesterday Jennifer was two. Today she's 11. 1034 00:47:02,887 --> 00:47:05,198 Alex is 18. 1035 00:47:05,222 --> 00:47:06,600 What the hell's going on here? 1036 00:47:06,624 --> 00:47:08,969 It's life. That's what's going on here. 1037 00:47:08,993 --> 00:47:10,771 I love you all so much. 1038 00:47:10,795 --> 00:47:13,440 - I love you. - I love you. 1039 00:47:13,464 --> 00:47:14,675 I love you. 1040 00:47:14,699 --> 00:47:15,976 I love you, honey. 1041 00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:17,744 Alex loves me. 1042 00:47:17,768 --> 00:47:18,912 I love you, Dad. 1043 00:47:18,936 --> 00:47:21,348 I love you more every day. 1044 00:47:21,372 --> 00:47:23,116 I love you, too, Steven. 1045 00:47:23,140 --> 00:47:25,018 Everything I care about, 1046 00:47:25,042 --> 00:47:30,457 really, really, care about is in this house. 1047 00:47:30,481 --> 00:47:34,294 Just think about how we just love each other. 1048 00:47:34,318 --> 00:47:36,981 Just remember those things. We do. 1049 00:48:15,760 --> 00:48:17,637 Sit, Ubu, sit. Good dog.